THE DEMONS WE BATTLE EVERYDAY

 

As if the world was not harsh on its own, Covid 19 made a dramatic entrance, perhaps to remind us that things can always go either way. Better or worse. Yes,  the pandemic has messed up the quality of life we are living. But did you know that two demons started that work long before Covid? Just how strong is your mental health?

Anxiety

What does a panic attack feel like? I have heard this question one too many times. Panic attacks feel different for different people. I may not go into the details, because I am not a mental health expert. However, having battled Anxiety Disorder for thirteen years, I can answer that question in simple terms. A panic attack feels like a rollercoaster that has lost control, and you can't get out of it. The dizziness, numbness, and tingling of fingers, trembling hands, sweating, loss of breath, nausea, and heart palpitations that a person feels, can lead them to believe that they are coming down with some serious illness. But the truth of the matter is that Anxiety is mental. Your mind goes 'rogue' and believes things it knows are not true. The constant and nagging sense of impending doom only creates more panic. In this pandemic era, more and more people are having panic attacks. The fear of the unknown or simply put, Hypochondriasis, can elevate anxiety levels. If you experience such symptoms or think you are having panic attacks, it is best to see your doctor or a mental health expert for diagnosis. 

The most important thing that you should know is, a panic attack will pass quickly if you remain calm through it. Remind yourself that it is just a feeling and it cannot kill you. Think of a happy place or things that make you smile. With time, with the guidance of your doctor, you will learn how to identify the triggers. Always remind yourself that no matter what you might be facing, things will eventually get better.

Websites like Anxiety Centre help people to deal with anxiety and provide detailed information about it.

Stress and Depression

 Stress is a part of life. Many things that we engage in, in our daily lives can lead to certain levels of stress, which is normal. The challenge comes when these levels shoot out of the normal boundaries. When this happens, Anxiety and/or Depression kick in. Depression,  just like anxiety, is a mental condition that requires diagnosis. My experience with depression (Postpartum) was an empty feeling. You feel like you are alone in the world and nobody cares. It feels like you are not good enough for anything. You are always filled with sadness, even when at times you can not really identify what is making you sad. Depressed people cry a lot, and always need the people around them to be very understanding. If you think you are depressed, you need to see your doctor or a mental health expert for a diagnosis.

Better Help is a website that provides information about mental health and offers counselling services.

To anyone going through this, do not fight alone. Talk to someone you trust. Accept help. Remind yourself every day that you matter and you are important. Summon all your strength, because you can and will beat this. If you are not going through this, please check on your loved ones. And when dealing with strangers, a little kindness goes a long way. A lot of people are fighting these demons. Don't be another reason why someone loses hope in life. Spread love.

Disclaimer: The author is not a medical practitioner or mental health expert. The contents of this article are purely based on personal experience and should not be taken or assumed as a diagnosis. Please visit your doctor for any kind of diagnosis.

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

There are days when things happen  to us, or around us, that make us write off the whole day. Sometimes , depending on the events that have occurred, we end up giving up on the whole week, month or even year. Does 'I am so done with this year!' sound familiar? Or more commonly 'This week started on a bad note. I can't wait for Friday.' The phrase 'Gratitude opens doors' never grows old. It may sound lame on those days when things are going wrong and you are wondering whether your village witches have upgraded their software, but if you take time to think about it, you will realize it is true. Let me tell you a story...

Years ago, when  I was fresh  from University, I landed a job with an Insurance Company, as a Sales Agent. You know those jobs you take up as you wait for people around you to notice that you are a graduate and humbly offer you a better paying job? The job required me to move to one of the major towns in Kenya. Fast forward, I got myself a bedsitter and started hustling. The job was purely commission based, but as long as you met your targets, there were a lot of goodies involved. 

On my second year of hustling, I had grown my commission to a comfortable level and I was able to afford the basics with ease. I moved from my bedsitter to a one bedroom house, bought some furniture and was convinced that I was actually going to make it in life. Now, among the few rules that we had at work, for one to attend the End of year party, you had to have met your annual sales target. That also applied for one to qualify for the medical cover for the next year. I had not met my target for that year, but in my sales funnel I had prospects that could get me there. I was following up on a big deal that would have had the management praising me all month. For the sake of this story, let us call this client Professor X.

Professor X had committed to taking up an Education policy for his children before the end of November. As a gesture of good faith, he filled the forms. The only detail that was remaining was a copy of his Id card, and the premium, which he had indicated on the forms that he would pay annually. It was going to be a big pay day for me! In my mind I had already spent that money. At this point we can take a break and laugh. Anyway, two days before our scheduled meeting where I was supposed to receive the heavy cheque and a copy of his ID, my phone rings and it is Professor X calling. I quickly answer, just two seconds shy of addressing him as 'Your Royal Highness'.  In a very short phone call, Professor X tells me that he is travelling to a nearby country for two weeks, and since we were supposed to meet in two days, I should just travel with him. 

I do not know if there are clients who make such suggestions with no hidden intentions, but in my line of work at that time, I understood what that meant perfectly. You know what they say about 'an invitation for a drink'? No, my bubble did not burst. It exploded! I politely turned down the invite, and the conversation ended quickly. The phone call was quickly followed by a very long text explaining how he had looked at his finances and realized he was not ready to take up such a financial commitment at that time. I saw it coming. It goes without saying that I did not make it to either list. You see I am competitive, and a sore loser too. So something that some people might consider as not so bad, really bothered me. I was literally sulking! 

Fast forward the day of the End of year party came. We had a meeting at the office before the 'chosen ones' left for the party venue. I went home straight. At that time, two of my nieces had visited. I also stayed with my daughter who was three at that time, and a house help. Since the kids were watching TV, I kept myself busy on the laptop for a while before going to bed at 7:30p.m. Just as I was going to bed, it started raining. I reminded the house help not to allow the kids to watch till late, then went to bed and fell fast asleep. 

I was woken up by a loud bang. The first thing that came to my mind was that it might me noise made by thunder, because it was still raining. But something was not right. There was a bright light shining straight in my face and it was blinding me. I called out to the house help as I tried to get up. "Nyamaza!"(Silence!) A deep voice shouted. I froze. There was a man in my bedroom? And then I felt it. A very cold metal touching my neck very near to the thyroid. By this time, the noise had woken up my daughter. The first thing she saw was a man hold a sword-like thing to my neck. She started screaming saying, "Usikate mum"(Don't cut mum). "Nyamazisha huyo mtoto ama nianze na yeye!"(Calm down that baby or I start with her). I went on Mama Bear mode and grabbed my baby. The sudden movement caused his sword or knife, whatever it was to scratch me a bit on the neck. My baby was trembling. I could hear my nieces and house help sobbing on the other bed too. 

Long story short, I was robbed of everything I had worked so hard for. It seemed like a whole year before they left. I later learnt that they were in and out in 20 mins. After they left, I did not move for a while. I was shaking. All the girls came to my bed and clung to me in fear. I did not know what to do. We stayed awake until morning. What happened the next day is a story for another day. 

I felt like it was the end of the world for me. We were all traumatized. My daughter could not stop crying every time she saw the scratch mark on my neck. I had lost my phone, valuables. I had this habit of stuffing under the cushions of the seats. I checked and found 4000 Kes. Pure luck that they did not see that money despite turning over all the seats. I took the kids and went home to my mum. She is the one who opened my eyes. She hugged me and when I was done crying she asked me the following questions. Did they rape you? Were you or any of the kids beaten or touched inappropriately? Did you all come out alive? To all which I answered with a simple 'No". Then why are you crying? You haven't lost anything that you can't replace. You should not be crying. You should be thanking God because that situation could have been much worse. He protected you. 

I sat in silence for a while, and started to see things clearly. Do you? Let us go back to Professor X. What if he had accepted to close the deal? Do you know where I would have been at the time of the robbery? I would have been at the Party! What kind of trauma would the kids have if all this had happened in my absence? What perverted things would the robbers have thought of if they found no adult in the house? My house help was 19 but was still very playful. Do you see where I am going with this?

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes God blocks some things because he wants you to be somewhere at a particular time. Also, He may block some things because he does not want you to be some place at a particular time. Ever heard of people who missed a bus or a plane and then it got an accident? The next time you are having one of those days when you feel like everything is going wrong, just take a deep breath and look around. There is always something to be thankful for.